Living With Delusional Disorder

I decided to start this blog for a few reasons.  First I live with someone who I believe to have Delusional Disorder Mixed Type.  Though I later found out that he was actually diagnosed Bi-Polar Schizophrenic with acute psychosis. Though after living with him so long I believe he is closer to the symptoms/traits of DD.  Second, I found in my researching of this disorder that not a lot of information or support is available.  Sure you can find a lot about the medical aspects of this disorder but not a lot on what it’s like to live with someone who is out of touch with reality and how to cope with it.    I have to admit my only area as an expert is my experience and the few precious bits and pieces of advice I have been able to find.    This is a relatively new journey for me so I by far do not have a lot of experience.

I am learning not to take things personally and avoid conflict while I try to figure out how to help my love. It’s not always easy considering the fact that I am dealing with Grandiose Type, Jealous Type, Persecutory Type and Erotomanic Type.  Can you imagine the stuff I hear on a regular basis?!   I’m with a man who believes God is his grandfather because his father is Jesus, therefore he is a king on earth and every woman on the planet is in love with him (even famous one’s), meanwhile everybody is trying to hurt our children and we must save them.  Not to mention, I’m told I’m pretty promiscuous, but it’s okay because I have no choice since it’s my demon and all.  For the record, none of that is true.  I’ve learned to take it all with a grain of salt.

Some people may ask why did I chose to be with someone with this disorder.  First let me tell you this, I have known my partner for a very long time.   We were friends long before we became a couple.   Most of all these years I have known him, he did not have any mental issues.   He had a traumatic incident about 2 years ago which led him to have a mental break and go into psychosis.   Under the circumstances, it was perfectly understandable to me that he had a mental break down because if it were me,  I might have too.   At the time this happened I was not in contact with him.   Most the updates I got were through mutual friends.    He made big improvements coming out of the mental hospital after that.   Not too long after we were hanging out again like normal and it developed into a relationship.   I fell in love with my best friend.

Many months went by before something started to seem off.   Hindsight being 20/20,  I now know there were earlier signs that seemed so insignificant at the time.   More than anything, I wish someone in his family or one of our mutual friends would have told me his diagnosis.  I wish someone had told me that this would be a lifelong issue and was not a one time mental break.   If I had known, maybe I could have got him help when he was still semi in touch with reality.   Before the delusions fully took over.     I would have done a lot different, but I can’t go back now.

My significant other, is not a bad person.  He is one of the most gentle, sweetest, loving, affectionate, caring men I know.  He would do anything for me.    That being said, the delusions are a part of our every day life.  I have no idea at this point how to help him.    I have learned that it is best to never argue against any delusion or false accusation or it will cause extreme conflict.   I have found it best to ignore it or just walk away.  Sometimes it helps to say “I’m not listening to this again” or “I don’t want to hear this” but not always.   Since people with DD are still capable of rational thought outside of their delusional beliefs it does help since even they realize they are being annoying.   The other thing I also learned is to NEVER agree or go along with a delusion.   Maybe say I understand when they are talking but do not feed the mental illness,  I noticed when others do this, it only makes things worse by validating the delusion.

I really have so much to say.  So much has happened since the beginning of his downward spiral.  I will cover those areas at a future time.   I’m  currently working on doing everything I can to learn more about this illness and how to deal with it.  Like so many other people with mental illness my man does not realize he is ill.  He had no clue that his delusions are not real.   That’s what makes it impossible, even when you have proof, they refuse to let go of the delusion. The delusions are reality to them.  You cannot change it no matter what you do or what proof you have. Logic doesn’t even work against the delusion.  It can be extremely emotionally taxing at times.

My goal for this blog, is to document my experience and share any information I learn about Delusional Disorder and how to live with and love someone who plagued with it.   I also hope through the comment section and other features we can create a support group for one another as families, spouses and friends of those with this relatively unknown illness.

49 thoughts on “Living With Delusional Disorder

  1. Hi Hun
    Sounds challenging bless you for trying to help and sticking about.
    Is he always in a delusional state or does he have times of clarity?
    I guess he doesn’t take anti psychotics or see a psychiatrist?
    Yeah I agree when delusional no point arguing, when I have had them I believed them 100% and convinced other people as I was so certain.
    I understand from a carers pov to. My dad had paranoid schizophrenia and was permantly in a dekusion state towards the end x

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    • He never has moments of absolute clarity. The base delusions are always there. He will alter or change them sometimes based on fact based evidence but very very rarely and it has to come from some thought process in his mind and not the normal modes of thinking. He will have clarity on certain things, like my feelings for example, but it does not change his belief just how he reacts to and treats me.

      No he was on anti psychotics and in therapy coming out of the mental hospital over a year ago (before we got together) and from my understanding when he left his brother’s house to stay with his ex is when he stopped taking anything or following up with his appointments. He told me before they made him feel bad (before the psychosis came back in full force) so he stopped taking them. That was when he would acknowledge he went into psychosis. At that time, he had to have been off the meds for months but was still in touch with reality. I had no idea he had a long term diagnosis or what it was, or I probably could have got him to accept help. It was only after things got way out of control that I learned the full scope of his illness. Now he won’t acknowledge it at all. Instead he insist he was sent to actual Hell at that time. He now denies ever being in psychosis.

      I really don’t know if everything in the beginning was an act since I’ve seen him act normal around other people. He’s good a being normal when he has to be. He saves the delusions for those who are closest to him and he trust. Or did over time they just come back somehow. Though I’m almost certain they were triggered on accident (I didn’t know the bible would trigger him so when he asked me to read scripture I had no idea it would lead him to this)

      It is challenging and extremely overwhelming at times. Inside, he is a great person. He has so many good qualities. If he didn’t have the delusional beliefs he would be the idea partner. So I take the good with the bad and hope for more good days then bad.

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  2. People who are delusional will sometimes keep it to themselves with strangers, cos they are paranoid and even though they know they are right they see outsiders as a threat.
    Religious delusions are not rare in psychosis. My dad had some.
    Its not your fault or anything like that, he would have become this way anyway x

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    • I’ve read that. I figure that is what he does. He absolutely does NOT want to go back to the mental hospital. If enough people
      question his sanity or someone tries to talk to him about getting help he cuts them off. So I imagine he wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to everyone, not even some of his friends because he doesn’t want to be labeled crazy (cause in his mind he is perfectly sane) and sent back to what he calls the “Nuthouse”

      The first time he went he hit an absolute low and agree’d to go get help because at that point he really had no choice but to comply. It was different. Honestly; he was never “cured” as his family claims since there is no cure. It was temporarily managed.

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    • I know it, I told him that when he still admitted the psychosis. I was like well maybe you need to try something different. At that point he had been managing fine without them for a while so he felt he didn’t need them anymore. I can’t get him to see his eye doctor (he had detached retina’s that caused his blindness and had surgery to fix them and needs follow up care) let alone agree to see a mental health professional.

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        • I will have to do that. He’s only seen his new Primary Care doctor one time a few months ago. I’m not sure if that is who I should talk to or what. He doesn’t have a mental health doctor so I imagine the PCM would be the place to start.

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  3. Unfortunately, I am glad to hear that someone else out there is dealing with the same thing I am. I was beginning to think that I was crazy and all alone. I am searching for ways to learn how to live with my boyfriend who is suffering from delusional disorder…extremely paranoid!!! Many many days and nights have been a complete nightmare and everyone says I need to just leave him…but they just do not understand. He can be the most wonderful caring and loving person in the world at times but other times its pure hell. There is not a day that goes by that I am not being accused of being planted in his life to conspire and ruin his life. His family has abandoned him and he has even stopped all contact with his kids because he believes they are involved in this scheme to ruin him. Its so sad. He does not believe he is ill…everything he says and knows is real to him. I have tried to get him help but it did not work out very well. I myself have tried therapy and it did help a little and probably will continue but it can get expensive. Thanks for this blog…hoping that maybe we can help each other thru this! God Bless You!

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    • I’m so sorry it took me so long to respond. I’ve been dealing with this for a long time now as well. Nobody understands why I stay either. Its not all bad and they are not bad people. That’s the thing a lot of people including family stop seeing them as people and only see the illness. I’ve learned pretty well how to deal with my boyfriend though I don’t know if what works for me will work for everyone. I’m going to blog on that soon. I actually started this blog because I felt alone. I was hoping others like us could connect. I’m going to see if there is a way to PM you. I don’t want to put my personal info in public but I do want to make it easier for you to contact me if you need to.

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      • How do you deal with this? My boyfriend truly believes that I have done everything from cheated on him with people, tried to poison him, was paid to be with him, and I do not know what to do. I try not to take it personally, but it is so hard. Currently, we are separated because of this. He believes that he is not safe around me. Its very sad we love each other alot, its not all the time. This started 6 months ago, when he believed for 4 days people were following him, we lived together up until a month ago, when his delusions went from me cheating on him, to me trying to harm him, and I just do not understand. He was addicted to drugs for along time; However, it has been over a year, and he has no prior history of ANY of this, so he associates it with me, since I came in his life, and all this started a few months later. I did lie to him about him about something stupid, but I admitted it after a month, and these were full blown delusions. I have never seen or dealt with anything like this. The more I try to tell him that something is not right, the more he thinks Im trying to manipulate him. I miss him everyday. He is the love of my life, and everyone tells me I should feel lucky he is away, but I do not. I feel sad we are 32 and finally found this great love, and its being torn apart over things that are not really happening, How do I cope with this? How do I deal with this, what do I say when he says, I know you did this or that, I have proof. He does not believe anything is wrong.

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        • There is no easy answer. I really have no idea how I deal with it. Most the time he can surpress the delusions because he knows I won’t deal with accusations on the regular. It took a lot of fights and breaking points hit before he could do that.

          When it does slip out and he starts I try to avoid him. I won’t easily engage him in a fight. I will cut him off and when he pushes enough I will declare I’m done and walk away. He will think about it a while and calm himself. Then he will apologize. He has a way of rationalizing to himself. Basically in his mind I am controlled by the Most High (God) or demons so either I’m doing what I’m suppose to or had no choice. It doesn’t make it go away it just makes it not a fight. There really isn’t much I can do to control when it happens or how long the episode lasts. Mostly I just weather the storm and wait for my more normal sweet boyfriend to return.

          I did notice quitting drinking has helped. He used to let the delusions take over and would become irrationally angry at times when drunk.

          In a way you have to set boundaries and show him that you will not tolerate certain behaviour. For my guy this works because his biggest fear is losing me. He can’t stand to be ignored by anyone especially me. Therefore he will quit the crap and shove it down to keep the peace with me. Like I said it doesn’t go away and yes its annoying to listen to some crazy rambles and conspiracy theories but I can block that out. As long as he is not coming at me its tolerable.

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    • Oh and I stopped counseling myself. It wasn’t helping me deal with him. I think she was trying to help me decide to leave which was not my goal

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      • I understand completely. Sorry it took me so long to respond…I can only read and respond to my emails when he is not around. I can’t even have email or texts or facebook on my cell phone or my personal computer…he is constantly checking my phone…who called…who texted and what are we talking about…etc….. And he says he is not jealous at all. But he is very nosey…I have no privacy what-so-ever…excessive paranoia! Well I am hanging in there as much as I can…just got a full time job, beings his illness has put our 5 years of owning our own business out of business. Anyway, being away from him during the days does help some what…gives me some peace of mind. However, now our struggle is him making money to help cover our living costs and etc…but he just will not work for people nor in a public place. He does have an associates degree in photography and wow what a talent he does have for it but again….NO PEOPLE…he just can’t deal with them. So, I have just spent every bit of my savings to get him a new printer, computer, camera, lens, ink for printer, paper, mounting board, frames, and glass.! I do not know what this will amount to if anything but an expensive hobby but I some how have faith that something will work out. Every one thinks I am crazy and he is just taking advantage of me and the situation. How are things going with you? You can contact via email if you would like…debb1285@yahoo.com.

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        • I am so sorry I did not see this before. I sent you a FB message a while back. I will go ahead and e-mail you since you left the address if that is the easiest way to get in contact with you. I have so much to say but some of it cannot be said here. I know how you feel about using the phone/computer or anything else. Let me tell you this, it could be worse! I will elaborate more when I e-mail you.

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      • It kind of is. Most people will never see this level of mental illness in their life. The worst part is mentally ill people like my boyfriend are able to hide it from everyone if they chose. They know what is socially acceptable. They reserve the worst for those closest to them. So then you look crazy. You know how many times I tried to reach out to his friends and family to be told “Well he seems fine to me” that’s because he doesn’t act like that in public. Sure he sometimes gets a little crazy but nothing like what I see at home.

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  4. For a long time I wondered if psychiatry is a false system giving labels that condemn a person in our social structure. What if everyone who viewed the world differently or had some physical differences we love to call “handicaps” was just accepted, loved, cherished, cared for in whatever way gives them dignity and support? It seems that you are doing this and I applaud you for it. There is a saying the the 12 Step programs “Take what you like and leave the rest.” It seems you are able to do this for this man whom you love. You see and love his “good” parts and accept his differences reacting to them as you feel is appropriate for the moment. I, for one, believe you will receive many blessings and many good lessons that will make your life richer and more meaningful. “Just love him,” seems to be your mantra…how beautiful. I work toward this…just love them, when I feel impatient or frustrated with someone. Thanks for being a shining example of how this lovingness can work. I send you both much love, light and a big hug, pat

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    • I don’t know if I feel the same way as you about psychiatry because I do believe it has it’s place. My boyfriend would probably be better on medication however; he won’t take it because he lacks insight to see that he is ill. This lack of insight is a physical medical condition caused by a head injury that damaged his frontal lobes. It is what it is. He is who he is. I love him even at his worst. I need to update the site because I believe I left off where we were separating for good however; that is not the case. We are still together and still going pretty strong these days. It is extremely difficult at times. There have been many times I just wanted to give up completely and then I step away and let it pass. It always passes. I had to learn through trial and error how to handle each individual issue that arises and most of them are repeated over and over again which can wear most people down. I forgive him for two reasons, first he really does not have control over it which means that even though what his is saying/accusing me of is not real, how he feels about what he believes IS real. His feelings matter and it kills me at times that he feels I hurt him when I’ve done nothing wrong. The second is simply because I love him and am not willing at this point to give up on him especially when so many others have. Loving someone with a mental illness is not for the faint of heart or the weak of spirit. Yet his mental illness is not his entire whole as a human being, it’s just a part that at times takes center stage. There are plenty of times where he is the most sweet, caring, loving, funny person who is just fun to be around. He is my best friend. So yes I take the bad with the good. At the end of the day, he is worth it.

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  5. Its so hard when one moment everything is amazing and,your having a great day togetger and,the next,moment, he is,accusing you of,all sorts,of,untrue stuff, kicking me out of the house. I have been left stranded so many times with nothing because of,this disorder, it is unbearable almost,at,this,point,now.

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    • I can totally empathize here. We could have the best night ever where everything goes great. We will be laughing and having fun and be all lovey and then suddenly everything changes and he is mad at me. Most the time I have no idea what I did or why and that’s because I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s like a delusional memory just shows up and all the sudden he is upset with me. It’s not even like I can apologize because I did nothing wrong and it takes a long time for him to actually say what it is he believes I did. It really is a lose/lose situation when that happens. If you really cannot bear it, then it’s time to leave.

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  6. I have no Idea if anyone is still on this blog but I can relate. I had to leave my love, It went too far, so that she was making accusations against me to the police and I was in danger of ensuing criminal charges I did not commit. My heart is completely broken over this. She was everything to me. The sweetest soul I have ever known. How can I ever have her back? The delusions are all that seem to be left. I am starting to believe them myself. Was I wrong to walk away? We could not stop having conflict, and she would get violent. People tell me to stay away and they say that it’s abuse. I know she is just scared and she is just acting out on her fears, even though they are unrealistic. Does this ever get better?

    Thank you for the blog, at least I know there are others out there that understand.

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    • Sorry I’m not on as much as I would like to be. Did you do the right thing? That I don’t know as only you know what is right for you. There is no wrong or right answer. Does it ever get better? No I don’t believe so. These disorders are not curable. I hear they can be manageable with treatment but I don’t know about that as my man will not seek treatment since he does not believe there is a mental issue. He is perfectly normal in his own mind. It is possible to get them to curb the behavior but it takes a lot of time and finess. It takes a thick skin and it’s very exhausting mentally, emotionally and physically. Yes at times it can be abusive. It’s hard to maintain a relationship long term with the delusions working against you.

      I can relate to starting to believe the delusions. I almost went there last year but was able to pull myself back to reality. I started to wonder if maybe I was the “crazy” one and what he was saying was truth. I began to doubt myself at times. However; I do know better. I know what I have and have not done. Though when dealing with delusions there is nothing you can do to convince them what they believe is not real. It’s the worse feeling in the world because reason just doesn’t apply to people suffering delusions.

      Only you know if you could go back. Just don’t expect much to change if you do. She is who she is and she really has no control over the delusions. At best she will have some miracle insight and decide to be treated (not likely as they lack insight) , at worst the delusions continue and become more severe.

      I’ve had to learn how to work around my partners delusions. It has been a long process. I had to reteach him what I would and would not tolerate. He loves me so he tries but there are times where the delusions are just to much and plague his mind. The hurt he feels is very real and sometimes he cannot bury those feelings and it becomes a fight. It is frusterating to know you did nothing wrong, yet they believe you did and nothing you can say or do will change their mind.

      It’s a tough situation because they are not bad people. They are just sick. You love her and feel compassion but you also cannot allow yourself to be at the mercy of her illness especially if it will do long term damage to your life.

      I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide to do.

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      • I am bawlingmy eyes ut because this is all exactly my situation, to an exact t. He not only hears my voice calling my name and making insults but he actually sees my,mouth moving to say these things- that im not saying, but in his mind, he sees it,happen so there is,no telling him otherwise, its a sad sad sad situation. All of his other family wont deal with him anymore. Im the only one left. I fear for our child who has been and invetiblity will be effected by this. I have let my life be torn to pieces by his illness, but I cannot allow,my childs life to be effected negitively by him and so something has to change.

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        • I know the feeling all too well. I can’t count how many things he swears I said when I never said them. Even more the things he claims to have seen me do. Things he could not have seen because they did not happen but he honestly believes he saw and heard it. We are dealing with the exact same disorder. It sucks but I am almost relieved to know I’m not the only one.

          My boyfriend is not in contact with his family anymore either. They washed their hands of him as well. I’m actually going to blog about that as soon as I post this. It’s too long a story for the comments here. So I too am alone with him and his illness. I am going to also post about what I’ve learned to help manage this. Honestly we have made a ton of progress, and though I can’t say it will last I can say I learned a lot. I hope you read it and find some useful information. I will also blog about this illness and children involved. In order to protect your child you will have to be honest with him/her. I have a lot of blogging to do. Please keep and eye out for my post.

          Just know you are not alone. Feel free to contact me anytime you need too.

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  7. I’m so happy to have found this blog. I’ve been dealing with an older sister who, in my opinion, has 90 percent of paranoid schizophrenic symptoms. Her 24-year-old grandson has been diagnosed with this condition and I understand it can be genetic. Recently, my sister (I’ll call her Marie) has become increasingly paranoid, thinking her neighbors are “watching” her and then telling her what they saw her doing. I have no way to confirm this, as she lives 80 miles from me. She does not sleep well, has lost weight, does not go to church anymore, and is self-isolating. The saddest part is that I recognize her illness, however, our other sister and certainly not her children would be willing to accept this. I know all of them very well and I’d be the bad guy. So I answer her calls, listen to her rant (basically the same verbiage every day for an hour). She is now 79 years old, wants to die, and is unwilling to accept herself as a good person who has a mental illness. I don’t say anything about her possible illness, as she would start yelling at me. Just need to talk to others who might be going through the same thing with a loved one.

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    • I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. People only see what they want to see. I’m hoping to get this blog more active. Im opening comments so browse them and read other peoples experiences and maybe get some ideas on how to cope.

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  8. We live with our 31 year old who was diagnosed with this disorder 2 years ago although he has been suffering with this condition since his late teens. Without going into detail my wife and myself were wondering if there were any support groups in the North West of England. My son refuses to take any medication as “there is nothing wrong with him as it’s all of us who are ill”.
    Please can anyone suggest any help.

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  9. Hi, just wanted to say thank you for this blog. I know someone whose Mother (who they live with) is showing the symptoms of DD so this is all quite new but everything here sounds overwhelmingly familiar and even knowing that will offer some respite I think. Is the blog still active?

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  10. Thank you so much for sharing this! I do not know anyone else personally who has taken on what I have by being in the relationship I am in, and I no one seems to understand, so it sorts of feeds my own tendency to isolate myself from others (my own issues). It really IS just he and I against the world a lot of the time!

    One thing I have been doing wrong is validating the delusions a lot, and it backfires when later he is on my case about not seeming to care about something as much as I did before (he’s right, except that I didn’t really care about the thing as much as I may have let on, just about making sure he felt like I took him seriously. As much as I want to validate whatever he is experiencing at the time by his perceptions, I have to somehow do that without “playing along” because I can see how dishonest that is when it comes down to it and how it can cause a new trust issue for him.

    For other reasons, I have actually started to say stuff like, “I don’t want to hear this right now,” because, well, I just don’t, and I’ve had to get to where I can say so for my own sanity. He’s gotten to where he will just accept it and figure I just have too much on my own plate right then (he’s actually a pretty reasonable guy outside of his delusions). I am likely aspie though, as I have discovered recently, so this will be a challenge (an issue between us is that I’m always correcting stuff or playing devils advocate, and it really annoys him). I will have to stop trying to “correct” his delusions. Most of our fights stem from me engaging in the futile activity of trying to reason with him. In my being kind of naive, I actually may have been a bit cruel without realizing it, because when it comes down to it, this isn’t really something he can help.

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  11. Thank you so much for sharing this! I do not know anyone else personally who has taken on what I have by being in the relationship I am in, and I no one seems to understand, so it sorts of feeds my own tendency to isolate myself from others (my own issues). It really IS just he and I against the world a lot of the time!

    One thing I have been doing wrong is validating the delusions a lot, and it backfires when later he is on my case about not seeming to care about something as much as I did before (he’s right, except that I didn’t really care about the thing as much as I may have let on, just about making sure he felt like I took him seriously. As much as I want to validate whatever he is experiencing at the time by his perceptions, I have to somehow do that without “playing along” because I can see how dishonest that is when it comes down to it and how it can cause a new trust issue for him.

    For other reasons, I have actually started to say stuff like, “I don’t want to hear this right now,” because, well, I just don’t, and I’ve had to get to where I can say so for my own sanity. He’s gotten to where he will just accept it and figure I just have too much on my own plate right then (he’s actually a pretty reasonable guy outside of his delusions). I am likely aspie though, as I have discovered recently, so this will be a challenge (an issue between us is that I’m always correcting stuff or playing devils advocate, and it really annoys him). I will have to stop trying to “correct” his delusions. Most of our fights stem from me engaging in the futile activity of trying to reason with him. In my being kind of naive, I actually may have been a bit cruel without realizing it, because when it comes down to it, this isn’t really something he can help..

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    • I know you didn’t mean to be cruel. The delusions can be pretty off putting at first. Strange as it sounds and I am sure you understand, you get used to them.

      I do the same thing. Tell him I am not listening/ dealing with this right now. I also learned to block him out when he starts rambling his delusional rants. He knows I do it and his okay with it cause he tends to repeat the same stuff over and over. I only engage when I have to. It is a lot easier. I never argue a delusion anymore because it only causes a big fight. I might gently try to reason and sometimes it works and others not so much.

      Being in this type of relationship you have to really learn how to let a lot of things slide. If you can manage that and resist the urge to correct/argue it isn’t that bad. It takes a real thick skin to love someone and stick with them through it all.

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  12. I’ve been reading this blog and I am heart broken to hear some of these accounts. I also felt compelled to share, because I struggle with Delusional Disorder and Schizophrenia myself. I recently realized my illness when I randomly landed on some articles on WebMD about both disorders. What helped me accept that I had this illness, was reading a list of symptoms and even specific minor delusions that are common that I had personally experienced in the past.
    The difficult part of my delusions is that some of them actually have a logical basis and are resultant of extremely bizarre experiences I have had in life. I have sought out advice from friends and explained all of the reasons behind my delusion, and many of them would agree that it’s possible that one specific delusion I had was actually true. I made my case very well. The only person who brought up the possibility of Schizophrenia was my mother. At the time I had already examined the possibility of my fears being irrational, and consulted friends and other family who agreed that the facts were too much to be coincidence. After my own personal reflection and taking advice from friends, I concluded that these fears were reality.
    So needless to say, when my mother brought that up, I saw it as insensitive to the things I thought I was facing. And when she insisted that I had Schizophrenia, it only frustrated me and caused arguments. In my mind, for her to convince me that my fears were a result of mental illness, she would first have to explain how and why these bizarre experiences I had, could have been normal. At the time I didn’t consider it a possibility that I was hallucinating and seeing/hearing things that weren’t there at all. She brought that up, but it was just far too much for me to accept at the time.
    Not long after that time a friend had introduced me to a strange kind of meditation involving a symbol. We both were doing this for a while and started to feel tingling sensations on our foreheads. After that we decided to stop. That was when the hallucinations became horrible and extremely strong. for the next few months I had hallucinated entire experiences involving all 5 senses. At the time I didn’t realize that hallucination does not only deal with sight, which made my delusions that much more believable. After a while I began to believe that when I had meditated on this symbol that it allowed a demon to assume my actual body and that I was trapped in an imagined alternate universe. I felt like through casual conversation people were dropping subliminal hints that were meant to inform me that I actually was trapped in this alternate universe. I was seeing numerous stars frantically moving around in the sky. I even saw rivers that looked as if they were flowing uphill (when in reality I was hallucinating this effect). Along with all this were strange demonic attacks in the middle of the night that are too horrific to explain without pages of text.
    At this point I began seeking help from trusted friends to help me logically disprove my fears beyond a shadow of a doubt. Neither they, nor I could find any infallible disproof. Now my delusions had become so debilitating that I would prefer to believe that this was all a result of mental illness. It was easier to live in a world where I was struggling with strong mental illness, than to live in an alternate prison universe where water flows uphill, stars dance in the sky, and demons attack me in the night. I began to realize that all of my senses had been severely altered. The demonic attacks (as I call them) were only for a month or so after I had first mingled with that meditation. My symptoms were slowly declining as time went on.
    A few months later I stumbled across the articles on WebMD about Delusional Disorder and Schizophrenia. After seeing them write about symptoms and other minor specific delusions that I had, I realized that I truly am suffering with both of these illnesses. After all these experiences, finding a pin-point explanation for everything that had happened was probably the most freeing thing that has ever happened to me. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I still have times that I struggle with fears of alternate universes and what not. A large part of me still feels like other delusions I’ve had are just too real to be caused by my illness. I have to fight that and tell myself that no matter how many facts and evidence I have to prove that they were reality, that somehow it is definitely my illness. I have mixed delusional disorder so it is a process of re-evaluating much of my life to see exactly how many circumstances and decisions this disease has affected.
    I would say that the most effective way to help your loved one suffering with DD or Schizophrenia, is to convince them to research these illnesses extensively themselves. I would emphasize not to push it if they are not ready and sadly they may never be ready. If you push it you can embarrass them and seem insensitive to the horrific seemingly-reality that they are facing. I also agree that it is never good to confirm the delusions. If your loved one wants to convince you their delusion is real, it is good to establish this one rule. Tell them that you will hear them out and consider their evidence, only if they will hear you out and consider yours. Use this time wisely to calmly and lovingly present information about symptoms and any common delusions that may be similar to theirs. However, if they simply want to vent about their fears and delusions, then it is best to just hear them out and show empathy. For simply venting, try not to argue against their delusions. Altered realities can be extremely traumatic and sometimes we just need to talk about it. If your loved one is fully convinced the delusion is real, they will not vent if they think that you will just try to convince them of DD and Schiz.
    It helps to know that Schiz and DD are hereditary and often times mental illness skips a generation. Also know that hallucinations involving any of the 5 senses are symptoms of Schizophrenia and not DD. However, It seems common that the two illnesses are co-existent as a mental illness. A mixture of Schiz and DD is especially hard to confront because the hallucinations from Schiz strongly reinforce the delusions of DD. It is almost impossible to distinguish between what you are actually seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling, and what are hallucinations. It is terrifying how extremely real the hallucinations can be. In fact, they absolutely appear as real as can be. It can also alter memory in a very real form. Basically a mixture of Schiz and DD can be strong enough to convince you that people are saying things they aren’t saying, that cold water is hot, it can even change a 6 to a 7 on a document. Whatever it takes to convince you of your delusions…
    It should also be noted that exposure to large amounts of marijuana have been linked to development of Schiz and DD. I myself used large amounts of marijuana starting in my early teen years up until shortly before I accepted my illness. It is my personal belief that marijuana use will worsen symptoms. Anyways I figured I would share my story and thoughts and I hope it helps :).

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    • Thank you for sharing your story. I wish my man had the insight you do.

      His delusions are a bit different than yours. He doesn’t see things that are not there for say. He doesn’t hear voices or anything like that. No hallucinations in that sense.

      His is more like false memories or experiences. He will rewrite events and conversations. For example he claims to have caught me sleeping with his best friend. Says he saw it. Never said anything about it until 2 months after he supposedly caught us. So its not like he thought he saw it and immediately reacted to it. His mind makes up stories that appear as memory. Another example: we met in kindergarten and knew each other casually until he moved in middle school. Then years went by before we reconnected through mutual friends. He now says we have always been in love since we were 5 along with a whole false history to go with it.

      He also has extreme jealousy and paranoia. He often thinks people (even his friends) are out to get him. He often starts drama with these people if not all on fights. He also has a tendency to falsely accuse people with zero proof.

      I can’t talk to him about any mental illness. He immediately gets mad at the suggestion there is something wrong with his mind. He honestly believes he is the only one who gets reality. We are all wrong. We all live in our own reality not him. He has already been in a mental hospital. He claims he was in Hell. He managed to get out after 2 months because he realized what he could say and not say just to get out.

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  13. Thank you so much for starting this site. My boyfriend and I just started dating, and when I first got close to him, he started sharing his delusions with me. They’re all spiritual: he believes himself to be successor to Jesus AND satan, and he believes he is a 4th dimensional being trapped in a 3 dimensional body. It was hard at first because he was so enamored with me and put me on a pedestal, telling me I was this beautiful creature full of love and light. I kept listening because I’ve always had an open mind, and at first when the delusions weren’t so ludicrous, I thought hey maybe he’s right. Maybe energy is a thing, etc. But now, it’s the only thing he talks about. He doesn’t believe in my bipolar because he tells me “it’s just how you’re processing energy pulses”, and any time I vent to him about what I’m experiencing, he always wraps it back around to how this is all going to end and we’re all going to accend to a 4th dimension. He barely leaves the house and barely knows how to socialize about anything else except “his teachings”.

    I didn’t realize it was stressing me out until a few days after we were dating, and I’ve been trying to find support/trying to figure out what to do. One day it was so bad that he was convulsing on his bed and isolating himself, and I told him that I needed him here (I showed him concrete objects around his room), not “here” (pointed to his head). I know I shouldn’t shatter the delusion because you can really psychologically damage people that way (which is why therapists don’t either), but I’ve been doing my best not to feed it, either. I just want the boy I met back, and I don’t want him to be consumed by these delusions his entire life, but I can’t tell him I don’t believe in them, because then he won’t trust me anymore. And I WANT to believe him. That I think is the worst part. I WANT to be a part of this beautiful little world he’s constructed. But I can’t.

    It’s nice to know other people out there are experiencing the same thing and understand the feeling of not really being able to do anything. I appreciate this space.

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    • I can relate since I am also dating the direct descendant of not only Jesus but the Almighty Himself.

      It always starts innocently and it sounds like your relationship is fairly new. I can promise you it gets worse and unless he seeks help it will never get better. It sounds harsh but that is the reality of mental illness. Its a hard life if this is the path you chose. He says he is the descendant of Satan so I imagine at some point the “dark” side will show up. Be prepared for that. Its good to have a strategy for how you will handle hard episodes.

      We are here for you. Feel free to read around and look at others comments since there is a lot to learn from others.

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  14. I just googled “my husband has delusional disorder” and this is one of the first hits I got. I’m really glad to have found this blog because I can relate to so much of what is being posted here.

    My current situation: my husband and I are three weeks separated. The reason is because he was making daily accusations towards me that I simply could not handle any longer. This started about 6 months ago and has progressively gotten worse. I’ve actually been keeping a running list of the EXACT accusations he makes, and my list being double spaced has now reached three pages. To summarize, the accusations mostly involve people spying on him, conspiring against him, coming into our home, hacking his phone, drugging him in his sleep, trying to harm him, trying to harm and/or kidnap his children (harming/kidnapping his kids is a BIG one), me cheating on him, me moving things around just to mess with his head, me knowing his friends, family, and ex-wife prior to knowing him, me leading a secret life, etc. The accusations are endless.

    Of course, like most others have said my husband does not see a problem within himself or think anything is wrong with him, even when presented with evidence that disprove his delusions. Never mind that at this stage he’s been told by not only me but also his parents, his siblings, his kids, his friends, and everyone else around him that he needs to seek help. Instead, he thinks we all have the problem and he adamantly refuses to see a doctor.

    Throughout all of this I have been doing some research. I’ve learned a lot about insight and have realized that he truly does not see the problem. This is where I’m struggling the most. Because I am the target of so many of his delusions (accusations), I don’t know any way to handle him when he starts up other than to say “that never happened” or “I’m not hearing this again” and walk away. But inevitably it will start an argument, we will both get angry, it will push us farther apart, and that’s why we are where we are now – separated.

    Like others of you have said – outside of the delusions he’s a wonderful, kindhearted man. I couldn’t ask for a better partner during those times and I absolutely LOVE my stepchildren. However, I don’t have it in me to listen to this stuff day in and out. It’s exhausting, it’s nerve wrecking, and it’s so stressful.

    I gave him an ultimatum – doctor or divorce. So far he’s done nothing. Right now it’s like a battle of the wits, who’s going to outlast the other.

    Advice?

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    • I wish I had some magic advice for you but you are a crossroad most of us have come to or will eventually come to at some point. Most likely you will not win the battle of the wits as you call it. Something far more dramatic than the threat of divorce would need to happen for him to seek help. They really don’t know they are sick. Did you watch the YouTube videos linked on my page? They really explain the lack of insight in an easy to understand way. Honestly there is next to nothing you can do to get them to realize they have a problem. They just are simply not capable due to a defect in their brains.

      The one and only time my man got help was before we started dating. He had been kicked out of his mom’s house and had been bouncing around from friends houses for about 4 months or so before ending up on his aunt’s porch looking like a homeless man (he was also completely blind). He went to the hospital after he downed a handful of Norco and was rushed there by ambulance. He then got put on a psych hold and I believe if I heard the story right he signed to get himself checked into a mental facility. He was there for a month. Within a few months of being home (at his brother’s house) he stopped taking his meds. He by that point had learned to curb the crazy so he wouldn’t be locked back up in a mental ward. He had to learn to cover his delusions to get out of the mental hospital in the first place. So now he is a master of hiding it and only let’s it come out when he feels super close or comfortable with someone. Mentioning he has a mental issue or that his beliefs are wrong causes an extreme anger outburst so I try to avoid it.

      I hate to say it but really the only option is to deal with the accusations or walk away. I was able to get my man to stop with the daily bullshit but it’s always there underlying waiting to pop out at any time. And it does mostly when I least expect it. No matter how many times it happens it is always hurtful. I have no idea how I put up with it. Some days I am extremely close to walking myself. For some reason he can recognize that and apologizes and then it’s smoothed over until the next time it pops up out of nowhere again. Usually about once a week. Sometimes 2 if I’m lucky. It sucks to live on edge.

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  15. Oh my God! Once a year for the past 3 years, I take a retreat to the coast to visit my mother’s ashes and to think about my 30-year marriage. Just yesterday as I was going through my journal entries from years past I realized these episodes my husband has been having are in fact delusions. They are non-bizarre delusions but they are delusions none the less. I have been doing a lot of Internet research in the last 24 hours and just came across your blog. My heart is breaking but I am at the point where it’s “get help or we’re getting divorced”. Yesterday he said he is looking for a therapist but now I’m reading all these things… I’m so doubtful. I’ve lost all trust for him and all respect. My patience is very thin and I just don’t want to live like this anymore. My question is does it always get worse? For my husband it’s just been the last five years that it’s been bad but it’s not paranoid it’s not jealousy it’s more the small slights where people are mean to him people think badly of him. He has all this anger and rage and he draws it to him, he’s had episodes of road rage and arguments with people at work. They pick on him he’s worried about what they’re thinking all the time and trying to control it. And me, I’m doing things to him. Because he seems rational I wind up trying to get him to be reasonable and logical and see where he’s wrong but it always turn into huge fights. just this past weekend we had another one and I realized I have been caught in his delusion and there was no way I could get him out of it. He blames all this on the stress of work. He works on the road so he only comes home on the weekends or every other weekend. This time apart has helped me to see his strange Behavior over the years. But it also has caused his delusions to get worse more frequent. In reading these posts I’m scared that they will get worse. I know nobody can predict what’s in the future but I’m wondering if he can be managed at this level. I think I might be able to deal with it now that I understand it’s an illness. I’m just scared it will get worse. Does it always get worse?

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    • Without professional help I believe it will stay the same and has the potential to get worse.

      Being that he is away a lot you may not be seeing the full extent. If he is alone on the road that gives him plenty of time to dwell on issues. This is when I’ve noticed my man is the worst. The more he dwells and thinks the wilder his delusions get. Once his view is cemented no amount of logic can change his mind.

      I can’t say for sure it will get worse than it is now but it is possible. My man started off with small not unrealistic delusions and it got worse over time. It took a lot less
      time than 5 years.

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    • If you have Facebook leave me your contact info and I will messsage you. I do not wish to put my personal info on the page. Thank you

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  16. Reading this blog and comments make me feel sad. I have a boyfriend who thinks people are watching him and wants to get him and it all started when he installed cameras around the house (this got nothing to do with his illness). I thought it was just paranoia but for 1 month, he can’t stop thinking that someone is out there to get him. He mellowed and everything seems fine for awhile but he still has this thought that someone is out there to get him or watching him. In times like that, I try to reason out but it fell on deaf ears. There are bad and good days. Sometimes he is not as vocal as other times. The last straw is when I left recently (we are in a long distance relationship ) because my visa has expired. He is back to how he was when he has his worse episode – doesn’t eat, thinks that cars pulling over are for him… He just won’t stop. It came to a point that even when I am chatting with him, I end up getting mad. When I talk to him, I end up scolding him. I don’t know what to do. His family is there to support him but he’s so hard headed and doesn’t want to seek medical help. Even when I am there, I end up crying everytime I talk to him about his delusions. He gets mad when I don’t agree with him. I fear that I will lose him. It seems to get worse and the hope that he’ll snap out of it is nil. I talk to his sister and she said that he’s not good. There is no medical attention provided (he’s too stubborn to see someone from mental health, only his GP). He just stays in his parents’ house. I feel sad that it come to a point that even my presence there may not make a difference. I know that it will be a continuous struggle and it is so hard especially for me who shuttles from here to there. I keep thinking, he has his family to support him. But for me who is always a visitor there, I lack support especially when I live with him and he has his episodes. I have no one to talk to, no friends – I feel so isolated except when his family visits or calls him. I just dont know what to do anymore. Should I go back there and face uncertainty?

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  17. WOW! I am in the exact same boat! This is the first time I have found something that can relate to us, the ones who love them. I have been searching for a while and haven’t found anything… until now. Thank you!!!

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